This Ordinary Life

I am writing to you from Phoenix Airport three-quarters the way through my trip to the USA. This is a mostly business, somewhat pleasure trip and I was really looking forward to it. To be honest, I have really enjoyed myself staying at a 5 star resort, the Fairmont Princess Scottsdale, drinking heavily most nights and even crashing Cindy Crawford’s husband’s, Rande Gerber, launch party of his bar, Stone Rose. I enjoyed 400kms of the Arizona desert on my bicycle and even took advantage of a really inexpensive full service to top.

However, during this stay I also became sentiently aware of something else… the USA is no longer the “Land of Opportunity” rather it’s now the “Land of Opportunists.” Perhaps I wasn’t as conscious of it on prior trips or maybe it is the result of an aggregation of similar experiences of the year… whatever it is, this time I really was aware of it.

Let’s start with my hotel… Room was quoted to cost $227, but once you added up the local taxes and other charges the actually price was more like $260. Why can’t they just say the price s $260 and be done with it? Actually, why don’t they make all prices inclusive of tax instead of tricking you with low prices that end up being 5-10% more expensive at the till?

Next was my service… I took it to a really cool place called the Bicycle Ranch and splashed out on the £199.99 Professional Service. This was to entail total emersion in a solvent bath, full replacement of cabling, etc. When I returned to pick it up, the price was suddenly $249.00. Turns out the tried to charge me for everything that was supposed to be “included”. They saw and opportunity and had to try to pull one over on me. I had to then wait 10 minutes while he manually removed each item. When I got the bike home, I notice that some bits were still dirty. Did they even do the solvent bath?

Next comes the restaurant in the Fairmont called Bourbon Steak. The place is trying to be “uebercool” and another opportunity to fleece us was found. The waiter jabbered about the food for 20 minutes completely overselling everything, the food took an extra 30 minutes to arrive, everything had truffle oil this or truffle oil that and at the end they had the audacity to simply slap a 20% tip on the bill. Isn’t service optional?

Let’s take a moment to talk about food in the US as well. Another opportunity recognised and exploited… everything here is processed to high-hell. Nothing really tastes of anything either, so much for if it looks like food and smells like food… it’s not necessarily food!

Finally comes the airport… I am checking into US Airways when a woman comes up to me and says, “Has anyone told you about the $100 Mandatory Sports Equipment Charge?” Um, no, they didn’t nor did Expedia (a US internet travel agent)… Boom! I am $100 lighter and when I asked if my bicycle would get special treatment as a result of me paying the extra money… “No, we take no responsibility for the handling of your bicycle” This $100 fee happens to be on top of the resounding “No” I received from Expedia when I asked about changing my ticket from London to Manchester. Their website and my receipt both clearly stated that I could change my ticket for $100, but when I wanted to do this I was told that the airlines rules over-rode those of Expedia. Why even bother telling people rules, if they can’t even be relied upon?

It seems that everyone is looking for a piece of the action. I also now understand why the debt crisis is having such a deep impact here. It's because the entire economy functions by parasitically feeding of debt. Take away the access to debt and the whole system starves. I think I’ll call it "Parasitic Capitalism"… an economic system where the success of the system relies on its ability to convince people that the need things they don’t, want things they shouldn’t and that the things they have need to be replaced. America really has perfected this system, but sadly they have destroyed the soul of the country in the process…

Note – there are, of course, exceptions to what I have described above and I have many American friends who I love dearly. However, I firmly believe that the country is on the brink of a terminal cycle of decay. A real shame if it comes to that because it was founded on such noble principles... and outcast religious beliefs...

Posted by this ordinary life at 11:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, apologies for my long silence. Yes, there have been good reasons for this, foreign trips, work commitments and drinking engagements. However, “This Ordinary Life” has not been forgotten and will now again receive the attention it deserves.

Today’s entry is about a new and exciting organisation I stumbled across. The International Federation against Normal People (aka IFANP) was established in the late 1980’s in response to the proliferation of boredom throughout societies around the world. The onset of such technological advances such as sitcoms, the Playstation 3, Internet in almost every home and more recently a highly litigious environment where the individual no longer has any responsibility.

The aims of IFANP are simple…

1. Identify behaviours, systems and trends that will result in people becoming predictable, conformist and boring
2. Counteract these activities through the development of anti-boredom tactics through the creation of new hobbies, activities and pastimes
3. Provide support and guidance to those on the edge of becoming boring to enable them to overcome these temptations
4. Create a network of IFANP supporters all over the world to spread the word and make the world a fun and exciting place once more

Since it was founded IFANP has tried various tactics in the battle against boredom. Remember the pogo ball, Hungry Hippos, the Lambda and Kite Surfing? Well, we can thank IFANP for all of these.

The most recent activity that IFANP are attempting to disseminate is called “Urban Rollo-twitching”. I find this particularly fascinating, because it is the first time that improvisation and personal interpretation feature heavily in an IFANP originated activity.

“What is Urban Rollo-twitching?” you may ask. It’s simple. It combines rollerblading in an urban setting with bird watching. Now it’s in the interpretation of “bird-watching” where the magic happens. For some of us, this simply means to appreciate the waterfowl and other Aves that inhabit our cities while rollerblading. Whereas others will interpret this as the covert appreciation of the female form while zipping by on rollerblade. Either way this activity is guaranteed to keep people outdoors and far away from the boredom created by couch-surfing and Grand Theft Auto IV.

The more I find out about IFANP the more it intrigues me. We all have to agree that society is becoming more boring and in turn lazy. It’s great to see that a group of people have taken it upon themselves to fight back.

Posted by this ordinary life at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, the Focus Variado has accompanied me on one of the hardest cycling challenges of my life, the Ronde de Flanders (pronounced ‘Roand da Flaanders’). This event covers over 250kms between Bruges and Novae in Belgium complete with 17 climbs. You may think that Belgium is flat, which it is, but imagine short steep cobbled climbs and you begin to understand what torture awaits you.

My journey started in London, where I headed to St Pancreas’s Eurostar Terminal. I had bought a soft bicycle bag to protect the Variado on its journey under the English Channel and across the Brussels. To my surprise the bag fit perfectly in one of the storage areas meaning that I would be able to avoid the £20 bicycle charge that I was expecting.

Three hours later including a second journey on a local train, I was at the hotel and tucking into a scrumpuous spaghetti carbonara together with a 10 strong Dutch continent to get up our glycogen reserves for the long day of cycling ahead. The some final adjustments to my bicycle before heading to bed at midnight to get in a couple of hours sleep ahead of the 4:30 start.

It seems that my head had only hit the pillow when my alarm went. Almost in slow motion I got my gear together and pulled on the lycra shorts. A quick breakfast was had and it was still dark when we rolled out the front door on our way to the shuttle bus that was to take us to Bruges.

An hour and a half later we arrived at the start of the event. Nerves and the cold had already gotten to me (not to mention that I was completely underdressed for the weather in shorts and a short sleeved top), so me and two other had to duck out and find a place to discretely evacuate our bladders. Cut to a storm drain on an abandoned main street… and cut away again quickly.

We headed of around 7:00 in a group for the first stage of the ride consisting of 140km of flat and fast roads. It was the first time that I had ridden properly in a group and I quickly began to understand what it must be like to ride in a Peloton. Imagine 30-40 riders almost wheel on wheel racing down the road at 40kph. It’s amazing with what apparent ease you can ride when drafting. The Variado performed beautifully and I was keeping up with riders who appear much fitter than I and on much more expensive bicycles than the Variado.

The weather was crisp and cold, but dry for the first hours, but this like my energy levels was to quickly change. After the first 3 hours of ridding it began to rain making the roads both slippery and a source of filth that was sprayed everywhere. I was already feeling a bit tired after the second feed-stop around 100kms after stuffing the 10th piece of honey cake and Stroh-waffle into my mouth. Little did I know that the real cycling hadn’t even begun.

The first hill of 17 came at 140kms. Before setting off from London, I had become aware that my gears weren’t shifting properly. Instead of taking it to the bikeshop to be adjusted, which would have cost money, I ignored it. This would be an error in judgement that would quickly become a “how could you be so cheap” moment.
Now what makes the Ronde de Flanders so challenging is the combination of two things. Firstly, it’s the hills. These on their own would be so bad; however, bring on the other element, cobbles. Of the 17 climbs, approximately 12 are cobbled. Now cobbles, in case you’ve never ridden them, turn your bicycle into a jackhammer that vibrates the hell out of your hand and your backside. Going up is challenging and I admit that due to the loss of my lowest 3 gears (thank-you for not getting the gears serviced beforehand) I had to get of the bike and push it up the top half of most of them.

The real problem actually ended up riding downhill on cobbles. Due to the speed and size of cobbles it seemed like the bicycle would shake apart at any moment. It took over a week for the numbness in my hands to go away. I am proud to say that the Variado took the cobble like a champ and appears to have survived the entire ordeal unscathed.

Anyway, to cut a 12 ½ hour epic cycle journey of over 280kms short… I set off at 07:00 and finished at 19:30 in a state of absolute exhaustion. I was covered head to toe in filth and was so tired my heart-rate wouldn’t go above 110bpm. It was an awesome experience, which I am already looking forward to doing again next year. It was good to see that I wasn’t along with 2 of our group of 10 not even finishing and about half almost falling asleep into their dinner.

You may ask, why did I sign-up to such a gruelling event? It’s simple, a good friend asked me, I didn’t do my homework and preparation and I needed to kick-start my training for the Etape. It’s amazing what a sense of achievement you get when you do something that you think is beyond your ability. The experience has left me stronger both mentally and physically.

Ronde de Flanders 2009 – watch out, here I come.

Posted by this ordinary life at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, my preparation for the Etape is in dire straits. My accident put me back over 4 weeks and July is looming ever closer. Now that I can't fly down to Italy for a week"s training due to taking too many holidays with my girlfriend (she's such a bad influence!), I need to come up with a
fool-proof plan.

I took my first step to being fit enough to compete by lugging my bike up to first Manchester, where I had some work engagements, and then across to Brighouse, where a good mate and riding companion lives.

Taking a bicycle on the train used to be a nightmare with pre-booking andvarious negotiations required. However, prior to this trip and in advance of a number of upcoming train journey's, I bought a bike bag from Wiggle.co.uk. It was good value for money at £50 and the train staff
didn't say a word about me taking it on the train (however, people everywhere stared as I lugged it around slung over my back. I'm just curious where I'll put it when my bike's not in it as my London flat is tiny!

Now to my cycle... my mate and I did our customary preparations consisting of a carb rich dinner cooked by his lovely wife and accompanies by plenty of wine and we then finshed up by chatting into the wee hours of the night while draining a bottle of Glenmorangie between the two of us. Note to self - the ACDC and Lynyrd Skinnard DVD are a must purchase - they rock!

We set off around 11:00 and for the next 4 1/2 hour we fought wind, hills and traffic. I now understand why my mate is so fit as every cycle tour he does is like a mini-alpine run. The wind was a lovely competitor as it made even some of the downhills a struggle. It was all bad though as at one point we hit 75 kph and my mate managed to get a driver to stop and almost belt him.

The driver had ignore his gesturing to give me space in a corner; however, he did respond to the "wanker" gesticulation and almost punched my mate. He was a small, fat local guy and we suspected the usual "small penis" syndrome.

The next weeks will have me running, getting to the gym and cycling as much as I can. I am even going so far as to lay off alcohol after tomorrow's epic bender. Interesting times lie ahead with my 260 km Ronde de Flonderers on April 5. Let's see how well I can prepare for that!

Posted by this ordinary life at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, another trip is brewing and after the fabulous time I had the last time I went, I've decided to go again. However, this time I decided not to do it on my own and take a friend. Believe me, I don't want to be brimming with commentary and not have anyone to share it with... Plus, despite all the people it does get lonely on the road.

The trip starts back in Delhi... this time I am a bit older and wiser. I won't be staying at argubly the worst value for money = (0 service + 0 comfort + 0 cleanliness)/ Bloody expensive = the Airport Hotel next to Delhi Airport. Won't make that mistake again, no this time we're staying at the best youth hostel in town next to the Bazaar. Let's see what the airport pick-up is like and then we'll quickly know what to expect.

After a day or so in Delhi, we're headed over to Aggra to see the big and little (yes, Dad) Taj Mahal. A good friend has already warned me of the tourist throng that awaits us, but I still think seeing the Taj Mahal at sunrise is something you have to do as a right of passage. I'll have the camera with me, so watch out for some quality shots!

After the Taj, it's off to Jaipur, the city of pink sandstone. The pictures look amazing and there is some serious hiking to be done. I've been told that you can ride elephants while you're there and assuming that I don't end up like those endless YouTube clips, it should be fun.

The second half of the trip leaves the North far behind and leads us to Kerala. After landing in Cochin, we'll make our way by rail, road and houseboat down through the state to Kovalam and the beaches in the South. There we'll have a few days in the sun before flying to Mumbai for a day... so much for finishing the trip relaxed... although hopefully the hotel will provide some buffer from the craziness that is that city.

All in all, 16 days of Indian delight... I've packed my camera, swim suit and plenty of Immodium. What could possibly go wrong? We'll see soon enough as India is always full of surprises...

Posted by this ordinary life at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)