This Ordinary Life

Anthony Bourdin wrote a great book a few years ago called "Kitchen Confidential". This book tells the "behind the scenes" stories of what happens in the kitchen of New Yorks top restaurants. Readers are captivated by stories of how the restaurant industry would collapse if it wasn't for legal and illegal immigrants from Central America, how cooks scrap by to follow their sadistic dreams of becoming a head chef and also how unsanitary some of them are.

Well, I think it would be interesting to write a similar book about the underbelly of toilets in Britain. Be they in train stations, airports or other public venue, more like likely than not they are going to be manky and the country should be ashamed of themselves for permitting them to exist. Many people include the state of toilets when they rate hotels and restaurants. If the UK were rated on the state of its toilets, the rating starting point would be sh!thole and that's before rating its political system, public transport and public demeanor (don't fret, I can be critical as I want because I love the place).

My book would have some great chapters on how janitors just push around grimy water to see if anyone notices, the use of urine scented toilet bricks, gunk stained urinals, the practice of not using toilet brushes, leaving behind little surprises for the next visitor and my personal favourite seeing how many blocked toilets it takes to get people to make formal complaints. There would be a special section on Music Festival toilets, where I now know why people wear wellies (rubber boots), it's not in case it rains, but to avoid catching chollera and disintary when wading through the seas of human excrement that overflow from the portal loos and pools from those that don't bother to use them. I am amazed that a mate of mine is still alive after having to wade through several such lakes in flip flops last year at the Isle of Wight Fesitival.

There would then have to further chapters or perhaps sequels about English hotels with shag carpet in the bathroom and the state of employee toilets at the top companies (there are some particularly fine example of nasty toilets on the ground floor of PWC's 1 Embankment Place and in KPMG's Dorset Rise offices in London). This list goes on: toilets on trains, in British Airways' airplanes, at doctor's surgeries, at the cinema and, and, and... I don't know what it is but Britain love unsanitary toilets. What drives this passion? I let you decide for yourself.

Let me know what you think of this book idea, perhaps it could be coffee table photo book. Believe me, and those whose know me will support this, if enough people think this is a good idea, I'll write it. I think we have a best seller in the making.