This Ordinary Life

Well, although I spend a lot of my time signing the praises of cycling as the best form of transportation, there are times where it definitely isn’t the safest.

Example in point, are the two crashes that I have had in the last 7 days. The first involved a large, double decker bus deciding it was necessary to pull out in front of me causing me to have to slow down to avoid being pushed into oncoming traffic. Then when I swerved to pass the bus on the inside (you see, I was going faster than the bus in the first place and actually had the right to be in the lane it tried to push me out of) there was a stationary Suzuki Vitara blocking my path. Luckily, I have great reflexes (not always the most focused) and jammed on the brakes. This enable me to execute a Vin Diesel like maneuver where the bike flipped up and I pushed it to the grounds stopping the bike, but a miscalculation on my own forward momentum meant that I still straddled the back of the Vitara. Both me and the driver were startled (she perhaps from seeing me in Lycra up close?), I made it out unscathed and the bicycle suffer the loss of a reflector on the front handlebars.

General danger factor on this one was 3 out of 10 due to the low speed of both me and the surrounding traffic. Lesson learned: Buses are big and an environmentally friendly menace to society.

The second injury was a bit more severe and the result of something that causes innumerable car accidents in all major cities with stop-start traffic, stopped cars choosing to wait a bit after traffic starts to flow again before moving. In London there is always congestion, which on a bicycle is a dream to fly through except when you need to change lanes. In this case, traffic has started to move and I had my eyes on the moving traffic ahead, but missed the big, black taxi van stationery in the lane I needed to move into. However, this time I was moving at more speed and there was a lot of traffic around me. I managed to escape this one by falling to the ground and incurring a couple of scratches and bruises, the bike only had the brake cable jumped out.

General danger factor on this one was 5 out of 10 due to the traffic and extent of my injuries.

I since have tried to figure out why I was suddenly having so many accidents, beyond the obvious statistical likelihood after not having had an accident in my 3 years of riding in the UK. All that I can correlate them to is the fact that I didn’t cycle with my Ipod for the last week. I assume the Ipod helps focus the other parts of my brain that aren’t used for cycling and keeps these from engaging the parts that are.

Hence, in my case, cycling with an Ipod actually helps me be more aware of my surroundings and ride safer. To all you Cycling Anti-Ipod Activists, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Posted by this ordinary life at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In today's society people are becoming much more aware of the impacts that they are having on the environment. We have been whipped up into such a frenzy that often practicality flies out the window.

I have noticed a problem arising from paperless billing. As a result of this drive to the internet, there is less and less real world evidence to prove your identity. When all our bills and bank statements go online, how are we ever going to "provide originals of two bills or bank statements"? Also, what do you do when you have to provide evidence from the last couple of
years and your online billing only goes back 12 months? If the answer is to print your online statements every month, then we're simply being hoodwinked into taking on a cost that actually belong to the companies billing us (unless they give you a discount, then I guess it's OK) and the amount of paper being used won't change.

However, still conscious that using less paper is a good thing, I came up with this solution, PDFing... This way you can take advantage of online facilities and still having an ongoing record of your life. Otherwise, if you still want to bleed the companies and get
paper bills, scan and PDF them after they arrive (don't forget to do both side, at at least 300dpi and in colour). If you don't have software already, download a free conversion programme like CutePDF, which works like a PDF printer.

To be safe, store your files in protected folder with encryption such as Winzip to make a backup and also use an online service like XDrive. If you also make PDFs of your passport, important cards and other documents, this can also serve as an emergency source of information when travelling, after a theft or if your house burned down. Just make sure you use good quality passwords like a combination of letters and numbers.

You'll be surprised how much shelf space and unnecessary paper this will save, while making sure that you don't become an Avitar.

Posted by this ordinary life at 9:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After conveniently scheduling my long ride on a day with heavy downpours last week, today was spectacular clear, blue skies (to start with). A friend of mine recommended a route set by the Serpentine Cycling Club that takes you through some beautiful countryside and challenges you with undulating topography. It’s 85km from Mill Hill up around Welwyn Garden City and back, so add the 15km round trip to Mill Hill from home and you have a round 100km ride. Not wanting to fall behind on the Battle of the Pre-Middle aged Bulge, I set off full of glee and with a print-off of a map and directions from the Serpentine website.

As with the ride to Boxhill, the first section through London is horrible. Bumper to bumper traffic escorted me all the way to Mill Hill. On bit of excitement was when a rock shot out from under my tire and hit the site of a van a two lanes of traffic over from me. I sprinted for about 10km through traffic hoping they didn’t chase after me, they didn’t!

The trip up to Mill Hill was only 30 minutes and the monotony of city traffic was blocked out by a 60 Minutes interview with Mitt Romney, the Mormon candidate for the Republican Nomination in the US. He’s an interesting guy who wants to run the US like a company, except that his company would persecute gays, stop Mexicans from illegally entering the US, ban abortion and send an extra 100,000 soldiers to Iraq.

Shortly after Mill Hill, I breathed a sign of relief that the traffic and interview were over and were replaced by some more peaceful country roads. The Serpentine directions were easy enough to follow and there were plenty of road signs. However, this was soon to change…

Up and down and round and round, the country roads were a joy to ride. My top speed at one point was a blinding 62km/h. The route took me first through Barnet then Arkley and then, oops, I missed a turn.

If you have ever driven in rural England, you will know that when signage is an issue. I don’t know if they were on crack at the time, but signs never seem to point straight down any road and road numbering is adhoc at best. Luckily, I found my way to Potters Bar (on the route) and was then quickly off it again.

For the next 90 minutes, I weaved my way across the route, never really being on it for more than a short stretch. I particularly enjoyed riding through Cole Green, where I took this candid shot. Doesn’t it make you feel like your home?

Anywho, I finally made it to Welwyn Garden City, pretty much half way. Sadly, this is also where things really went wrong. For some reason, all roads in Welwyn Garden City go to Hatfield, which was not, definitely not, on my route. I have quite good instincts when it comes to directions, so I did the only respectable thing I could do, I chose the first road that didn’t say it led to Hatfield.

This actually did turn out to be the right thing to do, the only thing that wasn’t so good about it is that the road quickly turned into a single track forest path that closer resembled a mountain bike trail than a road. At this point, I thought it safest to ask someone for directions. Typical for the UK, I quickly came across someone rambling (wandering aimlessly through the countryside in search of country pubs). He was friendly enough and explained to me that I had to follow the road/path I was on, ford a river (FORD A RIVER!?!) and then I’d be back on my route. Luckily, the road ford was dry, but I did catch a glimpse of some people having sex in the bushes. I was traveling at about 30km/h at the time, so it was much more of an undulating, white flash.

Shaken, but not stirred, I finally reached Ayot Green, which was almost back on track. I overshot the route again to Sandridge and again to Water End. Finally, I gave up trying to follow the route and b-lined it to Barnet, retraced myself back to Mill Hill and then home.

It was a great ride, although I did run out of energy after 3 hours, making the fourth a bit of a struggle. Key stats for this ride are:

Actual Route Taken

Distance = 101km

Calories = 2744

Avg Speed = 27.3km/h

Max Speed = 62km/h

Ride Time = 3hours, 58minutes

Climb = 795m

I really want to do this route properly and next time I’ll focus more on the 50 step instructions rather than the overview map. It’ll be interesting to see if I can juggle reading directions and riding.

The Variado performed very well over the duration of the ride. The carbon fork did a good job absorbing the jolts and jars from all but the poorest quality roads (like that single track through the forest). I have noticed a creak from the front wheel, which may be related to the axle as all spokes are still under good tension. Will have to take a look if some grit has infiltrated the bearings already. There is also a creaking noise coming from the pedals or bottom brackets. I tightened the pedals, but if it persists I’ll have to look at whether something else has come loose.

I also came across someone riding a Cayo, my, does it look all black and shiny… only 4681km to go. I dropped the “in a year” crap, once I ridden 5000km, then I’ll get a Cayo.

Off to my cold bath, hot shower and cold shower…

Posted by this ordinary life at 7:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I find that in today's face paced, overworked society the ranks of M&S dinners and take-away food have led us to believe that the only way to cope with our busy lives it to buy their products. Their mantra is all about working people not having time and deserving better than what they could cobble together at home.

Well, I disagree and over the coming months I will share with you simple dishes that allow you to eat like a king, enjoy cooking, impress your friends and save money. It is the greatest fallacy that cooking for yourself is a hassle, take a lot of time and isn't worth it for one person.

To start things off, I'll share with you a simple recipe for a Goats Cheese Garden Salad. This combines the vegetables you should have in your fridge with the ever more popular goats cheese. The presentation is eye catching and you'll feel like your in a restaurant (with washing up).

First, the ingredients... You will need a base leaf (mixed leaf, rocket or little gem; however, THOU SHALL NOT USE ICEBERG LETTUCE!). Sorry about the stern rebuke, but iceberg lettuce is, in my opinion, an insult to the salad family. There is more flavour in a glass of water.

Next you will need colourful vegetables for contrast. In the salad pictured, I used a yellow pepper, small red onion, 1 carrot, 2 small vine tomatos, 1 avocado and 1/8 of a cucumber. However, mushrooms, sliced apple, broccoli or steamed butternut squash could all be used as well. The secret is contrasting colours with flavours. Slicing allows you artistic licence for the presentation (e.g. carrot star shapes, cucumber slivers and fanned avocados).

Next prepare the goats cheese croutons. These are very simple and look great. Take a piece of bread (best if you toast it first) and smear a healthy quantity of goats cheese on top. Grill until the cheese is bubbling and browning, be careful not to let it burn. Finally, cut the bread into whatever shape you like, I prefer nice squares.

Assembly is easy. Start with a pile of leaves and then in a symmetrical fashion add your chopped vegetable, put the croutons around the outside edge (you don't want any dressing on these) and top with some chopped nuts (I love cashews, walnuts or almonds) or seeds (sunflower, sesame or flax) in the centre for some added crunch and taste.

Finally, add your dressing. This is probably the only stage where you can ruin this salad. Too often a salad ends up just tasting like the dressing (which if you use iceberg lettuce is great). But for this salad, I suggest you use a simple vinaigrette consisting of a dash of olive oil and a dash of balsamic vinegar with salt and roughly ground pepper to taste.

The finished product is a salad that will impress. It's perfect for lunch or, as a smaller portion, a starter. I also find that after a hard day at work, it's a simple booster that gives me most of the nutrients that I may have missed out on during the day.

Enjoy...

Posted by this ordinary life at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I hate downtime. This is mainly because I have realized that I am generally so inefficient at doing thing that I am forever behind. Behind on paying bills, behind on pre-planning holidays, behind on my reading, the list goes on and on. But I have discovered that sensible multi-tasking is the key to getting at least some of things done that I feel I am missing out on.

This has been made possible by the magic of the Ipod and podcasting. Now whenever I am cycling to work, walking into town or traveling, I listen to podcasts and language courses (well, I am a bit behind on the language courses). You may think that riding a bike and listening to a podcast is dangerous, but unless you are blasting your ears out, I don’t consider it any more dangerous that listening to the radio while driving.

Since listening to podcasts my slightly repetitious commute and mundane tube journeys have become a joy and I can actually feel myself getting more edjumacted. Today while on my 20km (45min) cycle training I learned about Mexican Indians using solar powered lights and how Pakastans recent military coup has cause the international telephone links to crash. What will I possible do with all this information?

Here are some of my favourite podcasts:

60 Minutes – great interviews

Business Week – general business news

Buzz Out Loud from CNET – the latest from the world of technology and computing

Harvard Business School IdeaCast – generally mind altering

Newsweek on Air – great interviews and global stories

PRI’s the World: Technology – BBC supported and very interesting

Die Tageschau des Ersten Deutschen Fernsehen – Germany’s version of BBC 6 o’clock news

Winecast – straight from Minnestoa, a great podcast on wine

If you don't have an Ipod, don't fret. Most modern mobile phones have music playing capabilities. I use my SonyEricsson K800i to play podcasts over its external speaker making even my shower time productive.

Happy edjumaction!

Posted by this ordinary life at 8:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A terrible thing happened to a friend of mine last night. Being burgled is bad enough on its own, but having it occur while you are asleep in another part of the house gives it a new dimension. It's unbelieveable that people have the audacity to risk being caught and confronted for consumer driven loot. Would you put your life on the line for a digital camera?

My friends are obviously quite shaken and now need to go through the painful process of replacing that that was stolen and ensuring that it doesn't happen again. It seems that they came in through the dog flap without waking up the dogs.

I thought it therefore appropriate to share with you some tips of how to minimise the risk of being burgled yourself. I did a quick check of our flat yesterday, so this is fresh in my mind.

Do an audit of your most valuable possessions. For those items that have only a physical value, keep a record of its value together with receipts, if possible. This ensures that if something were stolen, you have everything you need to make a claim.

Improve the security of your home. If there is nothing obvious to steal and it is really difficult to get into your home, a burglar probably won't bother breaking in for the sake of it. An easy thing that you can do is put key locks on all windows. For instance, use a stay lock on casement stays or sash window stops.

Lock all your doors and windows at nights and when away. Even if you are in and in another part of the house, keep unneeded doors and windows locked. Make sure you also keep the keys somewhere handy, but not obvious or easily found by a burglar.

Keep valuable out of sight. Many burglars are opportunists. As with all lazy people, they tend toward the low hanging fruit. Either keeps electronics/purses/etc in a cupboard when not in use or make sure you have curtains/blinds drawn to keep out the unwelcome eye. For those items that have sentimental value, consider keeping them somewhere hidden or off-site (e.g. safe deposit box) when not in use.

Make a scanned copy of credit cards, drivers licenses, passports and other valuable documentation. Storing these securely online (e.g. password encrypted zip file in your Gmail account) will ensure that if they are ever taken by a burglar or pickpocket, you are able to access them quickly to cancel them and to assist you in the interim while you wait for replacements.

Install motion sensitive lighting in dark, secluded areas. Burglars often don't want to draw attention to themselves and can be put off by automatic lights.

If you can't afford a real alarm system, how about some decoys. There are all types of devices available to help deter a criminal. This can be everything from a sticker on the window from an alarm company to faux motion detectors with blinking lights. Some of these even make noise, again making the burglars life much less pleasant. I actually came up with a great idea which are films that you stick on the inside of certain windows and they make it look like there is wire running through the glass.

Being burgled is a terrible experience and one I sincerely hope my friends never have to repeat. Luckily, in this case only physical possessions were taken and no one injured. I hope the above tips will help keep you safe and your stuff out of the hands of those that shouldn't have it.

Posted by this ordinary life at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Following my recent run in with Lady Fingerbottom, I decided to see if we couldn't better organise our waste and recycling. My upstairs neighbour recently ordered a very handy recycling box with lid and I was hoping to do the same.

Westminster Council proudly declares on their website that they have a 24 hour Environment Action Line, who deal with all environmental and waste related queries. I'll let you decide how successfully the dealt with mine...

"Westminster Environment Action Line, how may I help you?"

"I'd like to order one of the recycling boxes with lids that you provide and find out if I can order a flip top was bin through the Council."

"Oh, sorry, we used to provide those recycling boxes but don't provide them any longer. We only do open topped baskets now"

"That's strange, my upstairs neighbour was delivered a box with lid not two weeks ago."

"Let me take your name and details and I will pass them on to the Recycling Team."

"Ok, why?"

"Because it appears they may still be available..."

"Oh, so you didn't really know whether they were available or not when I asked you?"

Silence....

"Ok, well, can I order a flip top waste bin through the Council then."

"Oh, no, you can't order a bin through the Council. We wouldn't do that."

"Why? Isn't the Council forward thinking and trying to standardise the bins people have to help introduce more efficient means of waste disposal like paying by weight or automated pickups"

"No, that would be too hard and besides people have all different sizes of bins."

"Ah, that's why then. The British seems to use 'too hard' as an excuse for many things. Is that like why other Public Goods like the Tube and Water Mains weren't maintained properly for the last century and now all need to be repair at great expense. Expense that could have been avoided with a bit of forward thinking?"

"It's nothing like that. The Recycling Team won't get back to you today, but will before the end of the next working week."

"Sure, thanks for your assistance and have a good weekend."

Click.

Wonder if I'll get my recycling box with lid...

Posted by this ordinary life at 6:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My company, in line with most companies nowadays, dishes out Blackberries to all their employees. I must admit I do like the convenience of having my inbox in my pocket, but the frustrations of the 8700 and limitations the Blackberry email system as a whole often outweigh the benefits.

The 8700 is a chunky little unit with a reasonable colour screen. It is quite heavy so it can only really live in a jacket or trouser front pocket (I prefer my mobile inboxes slimmer so they can fit in a shirt pocket). Battery life is good with it lasting about 3-4 days on a single charge under regular use. It also functions as a phone, but this drastically reduces the battery life. There is no multimedia functionality.

The interface is where things start to fall down. Using a click wheel you navigate menus with a spin and click. There is a full QWERTY keyboard with other common symbols as secondary functions of the keys. The keys are just big enough for thumb typing, but it would be a pain for anyone with sausage fingers. Be careful when typing as you can easily end up in the phone interface or elsewhere, so this isn't for you if you type essays on the go. Not to mention it doesn't have predictive text or spell checking functionality.

Most frustrating is the limited built in memory (64MB) and lack of expansion slot, which becomes particularly painful if your Blackberry ever crashes. Mine did during a Date/Time update patch where a JVM 101 error occurred. Not sure what this error means, but to me it meant that I had to get a replacement Blackberry. The problem is that when you get a replacement and it is synced with the Blackberry Server for the first time, it only syncs mail from that point forward. I am told this is to preserve memory as the text of every emails is actually download to the unit's local memory. In my case, it meant that I could only access older emails from my desk. No very convenient when I was on the go and had clients asking me about emails from a month ago. I hope that the people at RIM were smart enough to address this issue in the more recent models such as the "Pearl" and 8800?

Despite thes shortcomings, there are a few of things that you can do to make the 8700 much more enjoyable. Plus you get the joy of circumventing your company's IT usage policy regarding instant messangers. Power to the people for beating the system.

First, download GTalk for the Blackberry. This can be download via the Blackberry Internet Browser on http://mobile.blackberry.com. My company bans all instant messengers, but for some reason GTalk on the Blackberry still functions. Messaging on the Blackberry is great and keeps you in touch with all your Google-enabled brethren.

Second, download GMaps for the Blackberry. This again can be accessed from the http://mobile.blackberry.com. Although a bit data heavy (not a problem if your company is paying), this puts the power of Google Maps in the palm of your hand. It has helped me find my way through London's back streets on a number of occasions.

There are several other downloads on the Blackberry mobile website like Texas Hold'em, guaranteeing your entertainment.

All in all, the Blackberry 8700 is a good basic little unit, but is under threat from the new Blackberry killers (I particularly like the Treo 650). If Blackberry's latest units aren't an improvement on the 8700, even RIM's software monopoly won't be enough to preserve market dominance.

And finally, I'd like to share a gripe from a friend who works at the French bank, BNP Paribas, whose gripe I am sure is shared by the masses. People use Blackberrys when they are out of the office and primarily in the evenings and weekends. Therefore, having a Helpdesk open weekdays between the hours of 9am and 5pm is about as smart as voting Nicolas Sarkozy as president...

Posted by this ordinary life at 7:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was first introduced to icey cold showers as a little boy living in Iowa, where my family regularly partook in the German tradition of sauna. Now Iowa is a very prudish place and some of our habits occasionally did fall foul with the neighbours. On one occasion, my father accidentally locked himself outside after rolling in the snow. Our resident Lady Fingerbottom (this time a very old woman who never left her house and didn't have a dog. They ended up finding over $40,000 stashed through out her house. We thought she was a witch and were therefore pleasantly surprised that there weren't any lost little boys found in her basement.) was, to say the least, not amused. Not that there was much to see at -10 degrees C anyway.

Anywho, if you are a sauna goer you know that a cold shower is among the more refreshing and healthy things you can do after a session. It gets the blood pumping and is a great contrast to sweaty heat of the sauna. At this point, I must raise an issue about sauna etiquette. You do not wear bathing suits into the sauna! If you are a prude, wrap a towel around yourself, but never bring manmade fibers into a sauna as it is most unhygienic. Secondly, always have a towel in the sauna as people neither want sweat soaked bathing suits or bodyparts leaving behind a pool for the next person to sit in. Now, back to my story...

Actually, cold showers have a much wider application. For instance, if you are the sporting type, you may also be aware that cold showers and baths are a great way to treat muscles after a big sporting session. I used to really enjoy filling the bath with cold water and ice for a long soak after my Sunday long runs during my New York Marathon training. I passed this advice on to a mate of mine who ran this year's London Flora Marathon and it helped him finish in 3 hours, 40 minutes in the hottest conditions ever. I still continue this practice and during a recent ski trip, my post-ski soak was so cold (water came straight from the melting snow on the mountain) I had to yelp like a girl while getting in. Not that that stopped me...

However, you know you are in trouble when you continue cold showers even when there is no sport or sauna involved. Actually, I think 99 out of 100 showers that I take are cold. No, no warm water is mixed in, just the cold tap on its own. I must admit that it does a great job of waking me up in the morning and I find it very refreshing, but don't expect much attention from your partner. For some reason, my love of the cold isn't shared.

Next time you shower, try it cold. If you don't feel refreshed and more awake, not to mention help recover muscles after a long sporting session, you are stranger than I am for having cold showers all the time. Also, in this world of energy consciousness, why save some cash and avoid carbon emissions by not using as much hot water.

Posted by this ordinary life at 8:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Having introduced you to Lady Fingerbottom and then fired off a letter of complaint to my landlord, I thought it appropriate to share with you the origins of Lady Fingerbottom. Lady Fingerbottom is actually the creation of a good friend of mine (who experienced her first antics the day I moved in). He derived this name from Lady Featherbottom from Arrested Development. This is is a great show about a dysfunctional family and Lady Featherbottom is a disguise used by Tobias Funke (pronounce Feun Kay) to re-establish a relationship with his wife and daughter. This attempt is, of course, a spectacular disaster....

Arrested Development belongs to a group of number of relatively unknown comedies that I subscribe to. These shows are guaranteed to lift your spirits on even the darkest of days.

30 Rock - A very funny comedy by Saturday Night Live writer, Tina Frey. Alec Baldwin is particularly good.
Extras - Ricky Gervais's second big hit, which focuses on the seemingly meaningless lives of movie extras. This is where Ashley Jensen found her feet before Ugly Betty.
Everybody Hates Chris - This is the touching and incredibly funny story of Chris Rock when he was young. It takes being black to a whole new level.
Peep Show - so bizzare, it's probably a fair portrayal of general population of the UK, but never say that to someones face.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - If you were wondering where Seinfield came from, well how about a show about the life of it's creator?
My Name is Earl - some comedies score high for originality, others for feel good factor. This one does it for both.

I'd love to hear about other obscure comedies that are guaranteed to please... In my opinion, if everyone was forced to watch good comedy, there wouldn't be any conflict in the world, just a whole lotta sore bellies. Hey, that might also eradicate world obesity....

Posted by this ordinary life at 8:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Who said great art has to be expensive? I am a recent graduate and big advocate of School of Do-it-yourself Art. You too can become a graduate of this school by following my 6-step programme. This programme will not only give you confidence in making your own art, but also allow you to turn a noise up at those that think real art can only be bought at great expense.

.

Step 1 – Creative concept

Find a great photo. I used a close-up photo of grass I took while on a trip to Cornwall, so this is where your creative side can shine through. I think macro (close-up) photos of plants (flowers, branches, grass) work very well, but make sure the image you use was taken at, at least, 5 mega-pixel quality.

Step 2 – Make the concept a reality

Find a service that will print large format images (76cm x 51cm). I used the online service Photobox, who charge £18.95 (you can always find a discount code on the Internet to make this about 10-20% cheaper) and can deliver your print in about 3 days.

Step 3 – Accessorise

Purchase frame and border. This is an important part of the process as it sets the scene for your image. If you are in the UK, Habitat has some excellent frames at very reasonable prices. I chose one of their 70cm x 100cm black birch frames at a cost of £30. For the mount and border, I used A1 heavy board from Paperchase at a cost of £6. Both Habitat and Paperchase have a variety of colours and styles to choose from making the combinations available to you almost endless.

Step 4 – Assemble

You will need to cut the board mount down to size with a very sharp knife or razor so that it just fits into the frame. I found it easiest to use the backing from the frame as a stencil. It took a few adjustments before I had mount down to the right size, but then it fit like a glove. To stick the photo on the board, I would recommend using 3M spraymount and avoid traditional glue (it can soften the photo and cause bubbles). Be careful to centre the photo on the mount and then leave to dry. Finally, place the mounted photo in the frame and presto, a work of art that could rival many.

Step 5 – Displaying your masterpiece

If you successfully followed the above steps, you will have produce a very substantive piece. I don’t only mean striking, but bloody heavy. Make sure that you use heavy gauge anchors and screws if possible to make sure it stays where you put it. It’s also handy to use a water level to make sure its level as once you’ve gone through all the work to hang it, it won’t really be going anywhere.

Step 6 – Step back and enjoy

I think this step is self explanatory. Although, I might suggest you accompany this with a nice glass of Pinotage and a cracker topped with some blue vein cheese.

Congratulations! You're an artist...

So congratulations, you have now graduated from the This Ordinary Life School of Do-it-yourself Art. Please let me know you got on, but I am sure you passed with flying colours.

Posted by this ordinary life at 5:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On Abbey Road in St Johns Wood is a gem of a cafe, The Fern House. It combines the quaintness of home with quirky decor and the coffees aren't to shabby either. The owner is an Iranian who grew up in France and loves to spend his spare time at antique actions. Once you know this, you can see that his has put a very personal touch on the place which makes it out of the ordinary.

The cafe has both outside and inside seating areas, both very comfortable and furnished with a collection of antique pieces purchased at auctions that somehow all work. Rather unique is the fact that if there is something that you particularly like, check the price tag or ask as everything (tables, chairs, decorations) is for sale.

The food is good, deli style, but nothing spectacular. The menu has some variety that would suit breakfast or lunch with sandwiches, soups, cakes and quiches. Its a shame that they appear to buy in most things rather than prepare the food themselves. Although the salad is always and unexciting base of iceberg lettuce, the presentation definitely has some flair. Today I had a mexican chicken sandwich with salad and my wife the quiche with potato salad, coleslaw and salad. Aside from shaking my bottle of drink with the lid partially open, this meal lived up to my previous experiences as quite unexciting but perfectly edible.

Personally, I will in future focus my visits on breakfast as their croissant are the butteriest, fluffiest you will have in a long time with excellent coffee providing the perfect companionship. Free newspapers, books and magazines as well as free Wi-fi make it an excellent place to spend an hour or two to relax. I correct myself that the atmosphere is so good that I wouldn't hesitate to stop for an afternoon coffee either. By the way they also serve wine or beer if you prefer.

I give The Fern House 5 stars for atmosphere, 3 stars for food and 4 stars for value for money. To make it perfect they would need to replace iceberg lettuce with mixed leaf, speed up the service a bit and give the food a more homemade feel. Even without these improvements, it is still arguably the best cafe in the Maida Vale/ St Johns Wood area.

Posted by this ordinary life at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We have the neighbour from hell. Imagine a spinster, mid-50s, works from home as a public relations consultant and has a yappy dog. Despite being a overt Buddhist (we know this from the incessant chanting every morning and from builders who did work in her flat and almost knocked over her alter), we have found out that she has the temper of a rabid dog on heat.

It all started the first day we moved in when we heard her shouting "What's going on? I can hear you!" as we carried our furniture into the building. This has since progressed into periodic ravings and frantic letters shoved through our letter box.

Now this is the point where you should be thinking "Don't normal people ring the doorbell and state what is bothering them if something is out of order?" Well, I don't know if there is something mentally wrong with her, but she seems to wait until she can hold it in no longer and then goes into a shouting rage.

For instance, on one isolated occasion I left my mate's scooter parked in a nook in front of our building. I knew it wasn't ideal, but as it wasn't in anyone's way I thought it could find a temporary home there. This displeased Lady Fingerbottom, who proceeded to write me a letter. Sadly, I wasn't in that evening and didn't receive the letter until the next day, by which time she had already written me a second. These letters claimed all types of violations and even threatened to sick the police on me. Although taken aback, I decided the most sensible thing to do would be to have a rational conversation with her.

Instead of a rational conversation, she spent 5 minutes shouting at me about how someone could have been killed by the scooter and how she would again call the police if it wasn't moved instantaneously. It appears she tends to rage easily as when I later approached her again (don't want Lady Satanbottom making our lives a permanent hell), she was quite sheepish and apologetic.

With this incident resolved, we thought there would be peace. Would you be surprised if it wasn't so? Over the next three months she proceeded to periodically shout at us through the floor (she lives in the garden flat and we are the ground floor flat). The TV is too loud, the washing machine rattles too much, tenderising meat is unacceptable and the list goes on and on...

However, the latest and most infuriating of incidents involves over watering plants that we have on a ledge by the kitchen window. As with many plants, once they have had their fill, the excess water drains out the bottom of the pot. In the case of our plants on a ledge, this water drips off the ledge onto a recessed in front of Lady Fingerbottom's kitchen. Now this area is regularly subject to rain and other forms of precipitation; however, she claims the excess water from watering our plants actually flooded her kitchen and drenched her exacerbating her flu. What does she do when it rains?

Wanting to avert further escalation, my wife proceeded to discuss the situation with her. Would you be surprised if Lady Fingerbottom turned into Lady Satanbottom who shouted and raged? My wife came back moments later fuming and flabbergasted at the verbal beating she had just taken. To make matters worse, a letter appeared through the mail slot a few minutes later.

It again mostly dealt with matters that would easily have been resolved if she had every bothered to ring our doorbell and state what displeased her and various threats, but one section was so entertaining I would like to share it with you...

"I think it is highly unreasonable of you to come down here and pick a fight with me about something which you are entirely in the wrong and then come down here to pick a fight. If I am drenched again, I will consider it a deliberate assault"

Er, when does overwatering plants constitute assault?

I thought leaving her for a moment and then trying to talk to her would again have a calming affect as it did in the scooter incident. When I rang her doorbell about 15 minutes later, she refused to come to the door claiming that I was scaring her with my requests to have a calm discussion about the situation. I decided to call it quits when she repeatedly threatened to call the police on me...

Anyway, following this and thirsty for revenge, I spent the next 3 hours digging up dirt on her. It's amazing what you can find out on the Internet these days and I found out many things such as her birthday, how much she makes, etc. In the end, I did find the piece of dirt that I was looking for which is the fact that she is running a business from her flat which is explicitly verboten under everyone's tenancy agreement. On a side note, I also found out that our flat is listed as the trading address for her business. Slightly worrying!

Not quite sure what to do with all this information yet, but I imagine the best this to do is nothing. Knowledge is power, but really shouldn't be used against the mentally ill...

So all I say is this... "Lady Fingerbottom, I pity you... but if you don't leave us in peace that anonymous letter highlighting all of your violations might still have to be written".

Posted by this ordinary life at 11:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have stumbled upon a very disturbing phenomenon. Across the UK women’s chins are disappearing or perhaps they were never there and now is the first I really noticed.

The problem with noticing something as disturbing as this is that you start seeing it everywhere. I first became acutely aware of the missing chin phenomenon while watching Liverpool's Champions League win over Chelsea (great win Liverpool, by the way!). They were showing images of the audience cheering and there she was, a Liverpool supporter without a chin. I, to this day, don't know it was excess wattle or a severe underbite in her case, but since then I have noticed a crazy number of people with some form of this affliction. I just got back from Manchester where there were particularly many.

Look around and let me know if you notice this too. Perhaps you have a better explanation for it than I do which is "generations of inbreeding resulting in the proliferation of a recessive gene mutation." Where did I come up with that, you might ask. Well, I understand this type of thing is quite common in dog breeding...

Posted by this ordinary life at 7:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Trains in the UK have come a long way in the last 10 years. The days where you had to reach out the window and grab the outside handle to open the door (only God knows why people couldn't be trusted to have handles inside the train) and trains that were so slow that a horse and carriage way a better way to travel are almost a thing of the past (Silverlink to Birmingham is particularly slow).

At least with the introduction of Virgin Trains' Pendolino (trains with tilting technology that was supposedly invented in the UK, sold cheaply to Italians and then brought back to the UK at great expense in the form of the Pendalino), journey times to Manchester have been reduced to a little over 2 hours down from over 3.

This has changed the face of traveling to regional cities from London and put these route only 10 years behind equivalent route on the Continent. However, one thing is definitely still in the Dark Ages on these routes, mobile communications.

I have been told that this is the result of the train traveling too fast for the phone to switch cells without loosing reception and also that there is no on-train support infrastructure to compensate for the patching network coverage outside of main cities and in tunnels. I am also told that Virgin Trains has just applied a new reflective coating to their windows that not only reflects light, but also mobile phone waves.

It's amazing that as a part of the privatisation and franchising of train routes, which occurred in the last 10 years, and the advent of a digital age there wasn’t some requirement to ensure that people were connected with the outside world while on the train.

I estimate that the UK must loose at least a few million hours of productivity a year as a result of people's inability to work seemlessly on the train. Not to mention the stress involved (I have almost blown a gasket trying to have a business call on at least a number of occasions).

My advice to the government is to force train operators to install the required infrastructure on at least the main route (London to Manchester, Birmingham, Leeds as a minimum). This will not only lead to an increase in train use for business (who wouldn't take the train if it was like being in a mobile office?), but also put the UK in line with the leading countries in Europe (there are pay phones on trains in Germany).

Posted by this ordinary life at 7:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I don't think that the sensation of true fulfillment has ever been more appropriately embodies. For those of you not familiar with this line, it is from one of Australia’s greatest exports, The Castle.

In Central London there really aren’t too many obvious places to find “serenity”. However, I recently discovered that within Regents Park there are some banks on the lakeshore upon which I think such serenity could be found. A blanket, bottle of read and a good book might even enable you to find a few hours of the stuff.

So the next time you are near Regents Park, check out the banks of the lake and see if you can find some serenity of your own.

Posted by this ordinary life at 6:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)